I have uncovered one of the forgotten forces in the universe. For those of us out there who are not physicists, there are three main forces that govern everything in the universe – gravity, electromagnetic force and nuclear force. All of these are forces of attraction hold the universe together. There are also ratios of protons to neutrons, but let’s not worry about that now... The most important thing about these forces is that they are ALWAYS there. You cannot do anything about them. They exist. It is a fact of nature. Live with it.
I am proud to say that I have uncovered a fourth major force of attraction. While I am sure it is not unique in my own household, I uncovered it one morning last week. It has been in existence since small boys began, but like all things it took some time until it was “discovered”. In a fashion similar to Isaac Newton and his episode with the apple, there I was making coffee one morning in the kitchen, minding my own business.
Isaac, I am sure was quite happy sitting un der the tree, contemplating what he was going to have for lunch, or replaying last night’s intellectual discussion at the pub down the road, or even better, thinking of nothing. I was in a similar state of mind – thinking of nothing – after all I had just climbed out of bed. Who thinks of anything in the first thirty minutes of morning activity? Most of my actions are automatic.
Waiting for the water to boil, one morning last week, my glorious nothingness of thought was cruelly shattered. A vuvuzela trumpeted through the house, announcing the beginning of another fun-filled, action-packed, never-ending, ever-moving, always-noisy, day for my son.
It was then, in that split second of shattered peace, that I had my epiphany.
No matter where you put them, how you isolate them, how sternly you warn them, what action you threaten, what rewards you promise, six year (I am nearly seven) year olds will never, ever – in fact cannot - be quiet. At all times they will have something somewhere that they will be able to coach, encourage or force to make a noise.
And it dawned on me – this is the fourth universal force. Boys and noise. Irresistible attraction. It exists. It is a fact of nature. Live with it.
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